It’s such a crazy sort of magic to be pregnant. To have that spark of life happen deep inside that no one can explain or duplicate. To feel and see your body doing amazing things to make a home for a tiny little foreign life and support it as it grows with incredible complexity and speed. To have a completely separate and utterly unique human being sharing space inside your own body. A little tenant that just appears, suddenly and out of nothing. All warm and snuggled in, his or her little heartbeat thumping alongside your own, but with its own rhythm. I mean it’s really insane when you think about it. Insane and wonderful.
While I always imagined myself with 3 or maybe 4 kids, this is the last baby for us (a decision we made for several different reasons) and I’m okay with that. Two is good! But sitting here now, more than halfway through my 38th week and solidly in the “more than ready to meet my new little miracle” stage, I am also desperately wanting to hold on to what the unique experience of pregnancy has really felt like.
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Excitement, anxiety, fear, anticipation, curiosity, love.
Fatigue, nausea, and a bump!
And movement.
Body doing crazy things.
So much attention, from everyone.
Stressful tests, false alarms. A bigger bump!
More tests.
You’re healthy, whew.
Feeling huge and clumsy and totally beautiful.
Mind always racing, about what’s to come, mostly.
What do you look like?
So. Much. Googling.
And planning. And wishing for sleep.
Bump so big.
So ready to meet you…
The day is here!
Surgery, yikes.
And then,
you.
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Through the nausea and fatigue, the aches and pains, all the stress about weight and health and body changes, I am so grateful that God made me a woman and now a mother, and gave me these pregnancies as a part of my life. I hope I never forget the experience and privilege of supporting two overwhelmingly wonderful human beings from their very first sparks of existence on this earth.
Goodbye, pregnancy. It’s been an amazing ride. I’ll never be the same.
We have 2 children, 4 Months and 21 Months old. We adore them. We originally wanted 4 kids but have decided to wait another 2 years before discussing the possibility of having more. Pregnancy was a wonderful experience but also a very hard one for me. I savored this last one as much as I could but also couldn’t wait to have my body back. I’ll probably be sad if I have to say bye to pregnancy for good but I’m perfectly happy with my two babies! Thanks for sharing. It was a lovely read.
I hear ya on the “can’t wait to have your body back!” Pregnancy itself wasn’t too terrible for me, but the physical changes afterwards have been an adjustment, and breastfeeding makes losing weight more difficult, at least for me (I’m unlucky in that I guess!). But knowing that this is my last time through it all creates a bit of a “light at the end of the tunnel,” — i.e. as I work on getting in shape again I don’t have another pregnancy on the horizon waiting to derail all my efforts. :)
Great post! I had my 3rd in April and we are done now. I have absolutely LOVED pregnancy and labor with all 3. Saying goodbye to pregnancy has been so hard for me but looking down the road it is in the best interest of our family. Thank you for sharing this!
I can’t say I loved labor (c-sections here, ha!) but I agree on the loving pregnancy — aches and pains and all. I seriously feel bad for my husband sometimes, that he didn’t get to have that experience with our children. :)
What a good read! I had a big gap of 11 years between number 2 and 3, and sadly was very poorly during all 3 pregnancies, which dulls the want for more! Thank you for sharing.
Not all goodbyes are sad, ha! And not all pregnancies are pleasant, I lucked out a bit I think. :)
Thanks for sharing this post. The whole birthing process has been one that my wife and I have really embraced, it’s a real roller coaster ride. We have 3 boys (5,4, and 1) and are currently in the 1st trimester of a new birth journey. It is truly an amazing gift we have been given and despite all that seemingly separates us we are all a part of a fraternity/sorority of having been born. Best of luck to you and your family.
So true! And congrats on your new one on the way. :)
I had two back to back pregnancies that’s were absolutely perfect. I loved being pregnant and miss the kicks and all the emotions of waiting for them to get here. We are still undecided if we are done. Hold on to this special moment!
Oh yes, the waiting! There’s not much we have to wait for these days, but there’s SO MUCH mystery with a baby that’s on the way, and no rushing through it, no matter what you do or who you are. :)
Loved reading this. Many people think that everyone should have a lot of children, or children period. What they do not realize is that every family may have their own plans and needs. It is very brave of you to make this decision knowing that maybe others will not understand. I personally only have one at the moment and so far I think she is enough for me :)
Yes, to each their own! :)
Really enjoyed reading this. At 41, I think about and almost experience a loss of having surgically made the decision to be done. I really am very blessed to have 5 kids and our last was an oops, but God had it planned long before we knew. It was almost like God was giving me one last chance to experience the miracle of pregnancy. It just happened to be our only boy and I am SO thankful that the Lord chose to bless us with him even though I was nearly 40. There’s just something about saying goodbye to pregnancy that our husbands will never understand. And even though we are also a part of the decision, it doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye. Thank you for sharing!!
I turned 40 just 2 weeks after this second one was born (she wasn’t an oops though, ha). And I agree on the husbands not understanding — I often feel a little sorry for my hubby that he doesn’t/didn’t get to have that same experience with our children. :)
So well written! ♡